Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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