there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we're making bets on your personal life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
