Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
