i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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