last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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