IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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