Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
