please come you make the beer taste better
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
