OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
