i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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