Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
