So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
