I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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