Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
