he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
