people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
