how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
