Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
