Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
