Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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