I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
