oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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