If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
