I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
