Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
