Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
