mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
