What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I still have a little drunk in my system
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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