I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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