Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
