Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
