watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
