batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
