He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
