Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
