the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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