Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
