Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My dick has a subreddit
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
