I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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