It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
