Jerry, you need to find god
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
