all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
