thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I didn't shave. On purpose
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
