Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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