I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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