Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
