she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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