i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
