just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
