I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
